tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49817916533467082642012-02-17T20:05:44.099-05:00Deluxe Mixed NutsWith Apologies To Actual WritersDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.comBlogger1591100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-13666162318425048392012-02-11T13:52:00.000-05:002012-02-11T13:55:09.124-05:00When Kids Just "Shut Things Off"Every week day at 3:00 I call home to talk to my kids who are just getting home from school about then. The conversations are brief; how was school, any homework, let the dog out. But sometimes, I relay a very simple request. On Thursday, I asked for the following three things:
1. Take four chicken breasts out of the freezer in the garage for dinner and put them in a container of water in the Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-28459854994401916392012-02-06T20:19:00.001-05:002012-02-06T20:19:20.557-05:00The Airline Reservation "Option" That Cost Me $12.00. (Or - How the Airlines Are Fully Engaged In The "Very Serious Business" Of Screwing Their Customers.)In my previous post, I talked about the “very serious business” that my parents summoned me to their house for. They had asked me to fly to Florida at the end of the month and travel back home with them to help drive. This precipitated the unenviable task of getting a plane ticket that did not involve a layover in Kandahar.
I was pleased with the most recent DOT regulation that required Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-47576772902751862202012-01-29T16:05:00.000-05:002012-01-29T16:05:02.254-05:00A Cryptic Phone Call, a High Speed Dash and a Question That Will Never Be AnsweredThere are times of the day when a phone call from your parents illicit little more than some chat time with mom. Eight forty-five Saturday morning is not one of those times.
The finishing touches to an egg, cheese and sausage sandwich were just coming together – my Saturday morning, after gym meal – when my cell phone rang. The screen displayed, “Mom.” This can’t be good, I thought.
“Hello,” IDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-72128811146641457462012-01-15T17:13:00.000-05:002012-01-15T17:13:59.488-05:00I Have The Need, The Need To Better Understand My New ChannelsI hate my new goddamn remote control. Or rather, I hate the fact that I can no longer efficiently navigate my television. After thirteen years, we gave up paying half our wages for cable TV and had Direct TV installed – producing a monumental cost savings. It also produced a monumental problem – I can’t find the stations I want to watch!
I used to have command over the remote like Maverick had Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-18491949440942146062012-01-13T09:14:00.000-05:002012-01-13T09:14:52.677-05:00This Is What You Owe The Person Who Loves YouOkay, the last few days have not been the greatest. Garden variety self-pity, gonna be 43 type stuff. So I’m whining to a friend about it via email. Then he sends me this, reprinted with his permission. I’m not sure a more astute observation about love and truth has ever been made.
“so I feel like speaking although I was not asked.
you have two kids. regardless if you like it or not, they lookDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-14277970960121522011-12-29T17:30:00.002-05:002011-12-29T17:30:52.799-05:00My Technological Quest To Listen To Kim Carnes On My iPadIt is completely possible that I am technologically inept. I don’t like to think that, but it’s possible. I say this because I just spent the last ninety minutes trying to get our PC (specifically our iTunes library on our PC) to stream through my iPad. There is a great rumor going around that this is possible. By streaming (the fact that I am using this word should be some indication that I haveDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-36317625695575993762011-12-19T20:31:00.003-05:002011-12-19T20:34:55.990-05:00Christmas Without Santa
What if the stockings were hung by the chimney and no one cared? Well, if you have kids who are too old to believe in Santa, but too young to appreciate a fifth of tequila under the tree, this is indeed what you have.
We are into our second official year of life without Santa. (The two years before that were questionable.) Needless to say, this changes the approach to Christmas Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-52750496593183728652011-12-11T15:33:00.001-05:002011-12-11T15:33:12.575-05:00When the Bathroom Door is Broken, Just Fix ItThere is a naughty elf loose in my house. Or, there’s a ghost of a carpenter past. Or, my kids are liars.
“Dad, the door to the bathroom in the basement is missing a hinge.”
“Missing?” I said, “Like, it is gone?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, ‘you don’t know?’” I queried.
“It’s just like, hanging there.”
And – my son was right; it was just hanging there by the top hinge.
I asked, “Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-16095609074808754442011-12-03T14:34:00.001-05:002011-12-03T14:37:16.750-05:00'Tis The Season To Not Be OffendedWell, ‘tis the season; time to spend a small fortune on gifts and flip someone off in an overcrowded parking lot. Oh, the holidays. Oops! I meant Christmas! Really, I did!
See, it is also the time of year for news outlets to start reporting on how many times someone doesn’t say “Christmas” with the marathon tenacity that TBS runs Christmas Story. “Offended” citizens will spout off about how Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-37866386087758925312011-11-28T20:11:00.001-05:002011-11-28T20:24:31.791-05:00Turns Out I Miss Vinyl LPs Afterall
My New Purchase: All Things Must Pass
I am not much for nostalgia since most of the things I liked when I was younger are better now. I never sit around and daydream “God, I wish this TV only had three stations and I had to get up to adjust the volume.” Or, “Man, ten year old Penthouse magazines I found in the garbage were so much better than internet porn.”
So, I wouldn’t say I was Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-14294170199512996332011-11-15T20:21:00.001-05:002011-11-15T20:21:24.867-05:00Please Kids, Just Do ItOur recycling container is right next to our regular trash container. I mean right next to it – they are practically conjoined. They are both against the back wall of our garage, equidistant from the kitchen. The recycling container is not located in Anbar Provence. You wouldn’t think this was the case when you hear the banshee-like protestations from my kids when you ask them to take the Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-91522629157377165982011-11-08T19:43:00.000-05:002011-11-08T19:43:16.056-05:00PSU and College Athletics - Can We Come Back Alive?All of a sudden, strippers and coke provided by a booster to a college recruit looks like a Pixar film.
Time and a jury will decide if Sandusky, Curley and Schultz are guilty; as well as what shape and form the PSU athletic program will take. There are a lot of questions and calls to not jump to conclusions. Well, there is one question that has already been answered – Division 1 college Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-1214209634258534532011-11-05T11:47:00.000-04:002011-11-05T11:50:09.928-04:0010,000 Views - A Brief Q & A
How it all started
As I reach 10,000 views of this blog, I think it is time for a little Q & A.
What do 10,000 views really mean?
Well, if the Blogger analytics tool is correct, it means that I had 51 page views that originated in Iran – which ties them with Brazil but puts them behind Russia. (Really) Not sure it means anything. I guess it means that I am only 50,000,000 views behindDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-91577177071110811752011-11-02T18:57:00.000-04:002011-11-02T18:57:08.898-04:00U2 and Relevance - An Ongoing Email Argument. Part 1(Walking out of a Van Halen show several years ago, celebrating the return of David Lee Roth, my friend Mark said, "U2 has been the most relevant band in the last 30 years." I disagreed, wholeheartedly, and argument has gone on ever since. It has recently re-fired. Below is the most recent incantation.)
From: David Meyer
Sent: 10/31/2011 05:30 PM
To: Mark
Subject: You Too
Two things Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-60264124212589800052011-10-26T20:54:00.001-04:002011-10-26T20:54:03.140-04:00Erin Andrews - She Is Not REALLY A Facebook FriendConfession. I’ve always had a little (major) crush on Erin Andrews. Not in a “Google Image Search” (maybe a few times) sort of way, but definitely in a “got me to watch Dancing With The Stars last year” sort of way. So, when she popped up on Facebook as a suggestion for me to subscribe to, I thought, “Why not. I’m sure she has some interesting insights on the BCS.” Plus, I would quickly (for a Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-68614926086358412552011-10-19T21:01:00.001-04:002011-10-19T21:05:35.256-04:00(Not So) Great Advice For Calming an Angry WomanThe following advice is not only foolhardy and useless, it is possibly inflammatory – dare I say incendiary? According to “Ask Men’s Health”, one way to calm an angry woman is with phrases like, “It sounds like you’re feeling really irritated” or “You seem to be feeling misunderstood.” What kind of jackass would say this to a pissed off woman? I asked a woman I work with how she would feel if a Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-57861110818922725972011-10-16T18:27:00.000-04:002011-10-16T18:27:27.350-04:00Powdered Hands and a Harvard Degree - Living the Eccentric LifeThe most singularly eccentric man I know appears to powder his hands. I can’t be sure of this because I haven’t asked, and if I did, surely he would answer in a way that would provide no insight. But what appears to be baby powder lingers in the creases and folds of his hands – hands that also seem to taper down to almost nothing.
He lives in a very exclusive enclave in Pittsburgh’s east end inDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-62846714078669903122011-10-12T20:53:00.000-04:002011-10-12T20:53:40.036-04:00Kids and Porn - Just Another Thing To Deal With As A ParentPorn rarely catches me off guard. It did, however, when it was on the television in the basement where my kids had recently had a sleepover. Odder still was that, a) it was on fast forward, and b) the kids were outside. It gives an entirely new meaning to the parental mantra, “Get in here and turn this TV off!”
The first thought I had was, “Porn in fast forward is interesting. Did you know Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-28669676649103925702011-10-02T17:35:00.000-04:002011-10-02T17:35:22.791-04:00The Golden Rule Of Driving With Your Spouse.There is a car commercial where a young couple is camping and gets rained out. As they speed away, the guy realizes he has lost his sunglasses somewhere along the journey. The couple begins to retrace their steps, laughing and giggling all the way. As the guy is coming out of a cave, he flips his hoodie up and his glasses tumble out. His wife or girlfriend giggles as if to say, “Oh you, so silly!Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-61044987525922614372011-09-28T20:18:00.000-04:002011-09-28T20:18:09.709-04:00A Passage To Bangkok - A Rock and Roll Travesty.Here’s a fun question. What band was formed in 1968; produced thirty-five albums; is third behind The Beatles and the Rolling Stones for consecutive gold albums by a rock band; is fourth behind The Beatles, the Stones and Kiss for most gold and platinum albums in MUSIC FRIGGIN HISTORY and still tours in 2011? If you guessed Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, you would be wrong. Joan Jett and the Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-11325067174992706262011-09-24T08:30:00.002-04:002011-09-24T08:30:59.700-04:00Important Facebook Updates! Please Read!After the smashing success of the re-designed homepage, Mark Zucherberg and the Facebook brain trust plan to roll out the following changes in the very near future:
• They are switching to the Mayan calendar.
• Thought Translation Technology (or, ToTT): This will instantly post your thoughts about any particular update. Sample update: “John Doe…let’s plan on doing something great today!” TTT Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-89127488914255866742011-09-19T19:51:00.000-04:002011-09-19T19:51:07.596-04:00Joe Sure Plays A Mean Jazz Guitar (Further Enlightenment)“I found this laying right by the side of the road! I sanded it down so they take it as number one copper. If there’s paint or something on it, they only pay you for number two.” Joe pointed to the section of copper tubing, about fourteen inches long lying on the ground amongst the scraps of copper wire strewn about his feet. Per usual, Joe was sitting on his metal stool, stripping wire - the Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-34956694640099604312011-09-15T17:13:00.002-04:002011-09-15T17:13:04.402-04:00Admit It, We Love Each OtherOn September 8, 2009, Marine Dakota Meyer (absolutely no relation), saved thirteen Marines and Soldiers, pulled four of his dead comrades back from the lines and killed eight insurgents – and oh yeah, he was wounded in the leg. For this heroism, he received the Medal of Honor. You would think this would come with a check for a billion dollars – that is stimulus I could get behind. (Interestingly,Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-48434729370931368102011-09-07T20:57:00.000-04:002011-09-07T20:57:31.569-04:00Permission To EducateToday was the first day of school for my boys. (This was evidenced by the somewhat heavy application of body spray in the house this morning.) When I arrived home after work, I was presented with the first of over 3,000 documents I will receive – each carefully formatted – that will require my careful consideration. And by careful consideration I mean stuffing them in a drawer.
However, given Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-76523545559063778892011-08-27T17:56:00.001-04:002011-08-29T10:34:56.761-04:00The One Piece Of The Chicken That Doesn't Taste Like ChickenPierced by my cocktail fork, the chicken heart, dark and shiny, was larger than I expected. I studied it for a few moments; considered it. I wondered if I would know the difference between garden variety food poisoning and salmonella.
Still, it was larger than I expected. But make no mistake, it looked like a heart. It was bulbous and asymmetrical. It was replete with a large vein sticking outDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-12795134251510430282011-08-21T17:17:00.001-04:002011-08-22T10:18:09.619-04:00A Healthy Colon, Cigarettes At Dinner And Other Tales From 1944Would you ingest something that promises to “help the friendly colonic flora to fluff up and prepare wastes for easy elimination?” Well, in 1944, that was the claim made by Kellogg’s All-Bran, reminding you that it is not a “purgative, it is a regulating food.”
To substantiate this claim, Kellogg’s enlisted the help of 71 year old Frank Lowe, from 4303 S. W. 9th Street, Des Moines, Iowa. (Yes, Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-45141137682744035172011-08-13T17:16:00.000-04:002011-08-13T17:16:48.419-04:00Do Not Password - Do Not Collect My $200.00 Dollars.Being robbed and assaulted at gunpoint would be less traumatic than having my gmail account hacked. I am certain of this because I protect my password with the veracity of a mongrel dog protecting a marrow bone while I freely walk around with my wallet dallying in my pocket, shielded only by a swath of denim.
You wouldn’t think this would be the case, as staring at the business end of a 9mm Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-49099925538872195262011-08-07T20:54:00.000-04:002011-08-07T20:54:35.143-04:00A Reason I Don't Wear Women's ClothesThere are some things that only women are emotionally equipped to deal with. At the top of the list is the care of clothing. This is resoundingly evident on the rare occasion when I run an article of Bonnie’s clothing through the laundry. I take it out, mutter “oh shit” and start to think of how I am going to explain myself. I would put it away and hope it goes undetected, but she maintains an Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-40026208751669103742011-07-31T16:39:00.001-04:002011-07-31T16:42:08.103-04:00ELO, Ola Brunkert and the Travesty of the Rock and Roll Hall of FameQuick, how many top twenty singles did the band ELO have? Quicker, who the hell is Ola Brunkert? On Friday afternoon, in the sweltering heat of a Westlake, Ohio, garage sale, I met the only man (possibly on the planet) who knew the answer to both.
My wife was holding a garage sale at her dad’s place, and things were moving along as expected. A few older ladies browsed the jewelry; a young Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-35341272680342545812011-07-24T15:23:00.000-04:002011-07-24T15:23:12.992-04:00The Empire State Says, "We Do."Today, the state of New York began marrying gay couples. Also today, several local and state employees have quit their jobs because they felt that issuing marriage licenses to homosexuals would violate their religious beliefs. I wonder what part of their religious belief covers issuing marriage licenses to people who have a fifty percent (or so) chance of having their marriage end in divorce. It’Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-72663695306129684602011-07-21T19:55:00.004-04:002011-07-21T20:39:40.525-04:00How I Came To Further Appreciate Humanity Through Lady Gaga
Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it! I may have fallen for Lady Gaga. There, I said it. She is supposed to represent all the things I dislike about modern pop music; manufactured, auto-tuned, processed, over-produced. Oddly, she is ALL those things, times ten. So I shouldn’t like her, right?
But then, BUT THEN! She shows up on Howard Stern. And she’s talking. She talks about drugs Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-34364669212508253872011-07-13T20:40:00.000-04:002011-07-13T20:40:11.118-04:00When Your Key Fob Dies (Exercises In Futility)I now get into my car using a crowbar. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but it sure as hell feels like it.
A few days ago my key fob died. I know, at best my complaining makes me a whiner. At worst a narcissistic elitist. But really, this is a pain in the ass. For those of you who scoff, I ask, do you search for the remote for days on end before you turn the television on at the set? Exactly.
When Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-71919802749724030392011-07-08T16:57:00.002-04:002011-07-08T17:06:47.552-04:00Gettinginthecar-aphobia (But we are getting there.)
Haley
It’s not that our new dog, Haley, dislikes riding in cars, she just dislikes the whole “getting in and out of the car” thing. And I mean “dislike” the way you would dislike the thought of a colonoscopy at a teaching hospital the day after the staff Christmas party.
Haley is sixty-two pounds of puppy muscle and excitement, so when she decides she doesn’t want to do something; she reacts Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-80269670195045635012011-07-03T12:41:00.000-04:002011-07-03T12:41:43.504-04:00Into The Air Travel Abyss.“Zone three passengers, you are now welcome to have your entire travel plans scuttled. You will be left wondering if anyone even remembers you are here. You will be kept in the dark as to exactly what is going on with your plane. You are free to call clogged phone numbers or wait in a line that moves with the speed of a blood engorged leech. If you do happen to get to the front of the line (Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-79526528487891990312011-06-16T20:19:00.001-04:002011-06-16T20:22:12.699-04:00Under The Bridge Downtown - Enlightenment Through JoeJoe may be one of the hardest working people I know. Several times a week, I see him sitting on a milk crate in front of his weathered, yellow Cutlass station wagon under the bridge next to my office. He spends hours stripping copper wire from its insulation to sell at the local scrap yard. He works efficiently with a just a few tools. Some days he works feverishly with small engine parts, Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-79167183616940377472011-06-12T17:11:00.000-04:002011-06-12T17:11:56.012-04:00Furniture and LocationAfter thirteen years, one month and twenty-two days together, my two boys will not be sleeping in the same room tonight. (I am not counting the thirty-five weeks they spent in the kiddie pool of amniotic fluid in Bonnie’s stomach. I am also not counting the ten days Dylan spent in the NICU after he was born.) Suffice to say; along with the boys becoming teenagers, a switch was flipped that Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-20441301287461139892011-06-06T20:01:00.001-04:002011-06-06T20:04:09.893-04:00Debunking the Myth - Why "Chasing Your Dream" is BS.Last night I dreamt that I peed the bed. This is always a very dangerous narrative to have swirling around in your head in the middle of the night because of the very real possibility that you may actually pee in bed. Anyway, it woke me up (in my dream) and I went downstairs in a house that was a mish-mash of my first house and a four star restaurant. It also had women who would cut your hair. SoDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-82664058279412555712011-06-05T16:45:00.000-04:002011-06-05T16:45:32.451-04:00Losing To My Kids - So They ThinkI get it; my kids are coming into their intellectual, athletic and know-it-all prime. But why does that have to be at my expense?
Last week I picked them up at our local field where they were watching a lacrosse tournament with their “we are da badasses” group of friends. In one corner of a field, they and their buddies were firing lacrosse balls into a net while another kid clocked their shotsDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-20215808035806661012011-05-29T16:10:00.003-04:002011-05-29T16:19:16.858-04:00This Is My Yard (I Mean Field)
Feng Shui - 13 year old boy style
“I will grow grass next year, this year I am growing kids.” Unknown
I heard that quote on a radio interview some years ago. I am not quite so poetic, so more likely would have said, “Until the kid’s leave the house for good, our yard will continue to look like hell.”
Buying a house with a big, fenced in yard was important to Bonnie and me. We had a dog and Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-68312221115171174092011-05-22T17:51:00.000-04:002011-05-22T17:51:50.379-04:00Insane Religious News Of The WeekI observed two confounding and equally ludicrous religious events this week. And as usually occurs to me as I bear witness to such things, I find myself more amazed at the folks who buy into these shenanigans than the actual source itself.
First, Harold Camping’s rapture, or as I like to call it, “Real World – Heaven” seemed to be complete bullshit. More striking than there being no divine liftDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-59411734083834450442011-05-15T19:01:00.000-04:002011-05-15T19:01:09.618-04:00Our Ghostly Misadventure In Savannah
Sorrel-Weed House
Barry, the affable and southerly guide for the ghost tour my wife and I recently took in Savannah insists there is a difference between a ghost and a spirit. A ghost, he says, “is circular, repeating the same thing again and again.” A spirit, on the other hand, “is linear – and back for unfinished business.” Dave, the affable and northerly blogger insists he is full of Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-66373163326169293622011-04-29T20:17:00.001-04:002011-05-05T17:55:45.796-04:00Engine 54, Ladder 4 Battalion 9 - When September 11 Becomes Small(I posted this last week upon returning from a trip to New York with my family. This Firehouse really struck a chord with us, and made 9/11 more personal than ever. This station has been, unfortunately, in the news quite a bit since bin Laden was killed. Today, president Obama visited, and several news stations have reported from here. As difficult as it was for us to be there two weeks ago, Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-18109857817606364162011-04-24T17:19:00.000-04:002011-04-24T17:19:14.956-04:00NYC - Notes From Above GroundAn overview of our recent trip to New York City.
Best overheard conversation: Security Guard, “You want Bison Shoes?” Foreign tourist, “Yes, Bison Shoes.” SG, “Oh, you want to buy-some-shoes?” FT, “Yes, buysome shoes.”
Worst tactical mistake: Trying to outthink the subway map. The D train does NOT stop at 81st Street, just like the map says. The D Train does go straight to Harlem…just like theDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-44089201971726648382011-04-16T18:50:00.000-04:002011-04-16T18:50:42.065-04:00Get Your Ass In HereI wonder if Elena Cara was the least bit nervous when she walked into the back room of a floor tile shop in Las Vegas for her cosmetic surgery. Didn’t the lack of a receptionist and year old magazines provide a clue that this may not be the place to have her butt made bigger? Didn’t the pallet of ceramic tile and the bucket of thin-set seem out of place?
Sadly, Elena would die later at a Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-12226435848722081432011-04-10T09:51:00.003-04:002011-04-10T09:51:13.643-04:00From Bad To InspirationalBefore my boys suited up for their lacrosse game against Peters Township, the eighth grade team was attempting to finish theirs. By the fourth quarter, the opposing coach in this eighth grade game had yelled, screamed, cussed and nearly physically attacked anyone within striking range (this included his players physically retraining him from getting at the on-duty EMT). Our coach informed the Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-22242749160469643512011-03-21T17:53:00.019-04:002011-03-25T17:56:39.374-04:00Support Our Disabled VeteransSitting on the couch in the lobby of my San Diego hotel, the young men looked like any other group of friends. They were laughing, talking and swearing. Some had their wives or girlfriends. A couple of small children rested in strollers.
But as I walked closer, on my way to have coffee, I saw a wheelchair and a walker. I saw scarred faces. One young man stood up on his two prosthetic legs and Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-579909308206824342011-03-13T17:19:00.002-04:002011-03-13T17:19:48.000-04:00Dave Has New Shoes - ReluctantlyAs much as I willed the hole on the bottom (the sole?) of my shoe to self-seal through some sort of Vulcan mind trick, I knew a trip to the shoe store was inevitable. This filled me with dread in the same way, “Mr. President, Representative Boehner is on the phone,” probably fills Obama with dread.
There are few things I try to avoid as much as shopping. In fact, I don’t even view it as Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-21899385741052976412011-03-05T15:06:00.003-05:002011-03-05T17:30:43.746-05:00Cosmos - I Don't Drink 'Em, But I Do Read 'Em.In the April, 2011 issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine (“Cosmopolitan” is French for, “articles about things that will never happen to a guy”) there is a feature on the cover that caught my attention; “50 Ways to Seduce a Man (In a Minute or Less).” That title gives men too much credit since “hello” suffices.
Either way, I thought for sure the first one would be, “Honey, do you mind if I bring some Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-21932028141751126332011-02-27T16:24:00.001-05:002011-02-27T16:32:00.836-05:00Stupidity Through Frozen Pizza - A Comment On Society“Do not eat frozen pizza.”
Right - good tip. Another good tip would be, “Drinking boiling water will burn.”
Also, you should “remove the wrapper before baking. “
Seems ridiculous, really. Or does it? In a time when P. Diddy is being sued for one TRILLION dollars for being responsible for 9/11 (Google it) one would think that the frozen pizza company who thoughtfully affixed these warnings wasDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-73245822727578355372011-02-24T20:24:00.001-05:002011-02-24T20:26:52.740-05:00Moldova Is Drunker Than Us - Break Out the Beer BongDo you know where Moldova is? Neither do I. What I do know is that somehow, this little known Republic has managed to drink itself to the top of the World Health Organization’s list of drunkest countries in the world. So what, you say, America has got to be in the top ten. After all, you religiously drink your glass of red wine with dinner. Nope, that is reserved for countries like Estonia (5) Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-79617371181089126592011-02-13T15:08:00.000-05:002011-02-13T15:08:21.222-05:00The Case of the Vanishing (and Subsequent Return of the) Victoria's Secret CatalogueI admit it; I am not above looking at my wife’s Victoria’s Secret catalogue. I enjoy flipping through its pages of lingerie that after fifteen years of marriage I am no longer permitted to buy. My wife contends that we really do not have the time for such things. Nonsense. For instance, we usually have a few minutes after dinner and before we do the dishes. Such suggestions are usually met with Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-37663094187466527272011-02-04T17:25:00.000-05:002011-02-04T17:25:46.504-05:00Tweetle Dee and Tweetle DumbI wouldn’t dislike Twitter so much if not for the word “tweet.” Not since “chipotle” worked its way into the American lexicon have I been so utterly disturbed by the overuse of a word. As I watched the violence unfold in Cairo this weekend, I heard one newscaster say, “This all coming to us via tweets and re-tweets.” So, desperados with smart phones have co-opted our news coverage? Anonymous Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-42254088043492501562011-01-27T16:55:00.000-05:002011-01-27T16:55:33.814-05:00Post-Workout Therapy - Part 3If you need a short pre-cursor to my conversations with my gym buddy, please see the links below.
(Installment One)
(Installment Two)
I was worried Monday when Vince wasn’t at the gym. He is easy to spot when he walks the track – a slow moving figure with those (I am convinced) self-invented arm movements that he swears by.
Today, however, he was in his spot on the couch as I was leaving. Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-12473556063844301932011-01-20T16:08:00.000-05:002011-01-20T16:08:34.186-05:00Because Great Quotes Don't Always Come From Famous PeopleOur world has been blessed with great orators: Winston Churchill (“This was their finest hour!”), John F. Kennedy (“If you believe-they put a man on the moon…man on the moon.”), Jenna Jamison (“I’ve never seen a plumber with such a large – tool.”) Their prodigious words stand the test of time and still evoke emotional upheaval. They are beacons that have guided us through our troubles and light Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-13898482100548595292011-01-12T20:03:00.000-05:002011-01-12T20:03:12.274-05:00Equal Opportunity Political OffendingWe have breached the wall of common sense in this country. In the wake of these horrific shootings in Tucson, we find ourselves in the midst of a fierce debate over political speech – with BOTH sides shoring up their defense, and their offense.
What prompts this is the very real fact that political speech has now turned into entertainment. The frightening thing is, too few people realize it. Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-54579195578035604802011-01-06T19:53:00.001-05:002011-01-06T19:55:59.598-05:00Post-Workout Therapy - Part II(For anyone who missed the introduction of Old Man Gym, please see here.)
Seven o’clock is the worst time to try and talk to Vince. Seven is when the morning spin class lets out, and with that, about a dozen latex-clad and sweaty girls walk up the stairs and right passed Vince on their way to the locker room. And he talks to every single one of them.
“How’s that cold? Chicken soup and two Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-14318601563472207982010-12-31T17:40:00.000-05:002010-12-31T17:40:11.048-05:002011 - Own ItSo what do we do with this “new year?” Let’s forget the lies and be honest.
We spend a lot of time at the end of the year thinking about what should have been. About the things we didn’t do and the people we let down. We “resolve” to do better with our lives.
You know what I think of resolutions? Fuck ‘em. Most of them are things we should be doing anyway and they set us up for failure – and Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-62599363041904173982010-12-21T20:26:00.000-05:002010-12-21T20:26:13.542-05:00What I Learned - A Rip-Off In My Own WordsEsquire Magazine routinely has a feature called “What I Learned” where some sort of celebrity or politician or other likewise engaging person posits some truths from their life in bullet-point form. I am not a celebrity, a politician and am barely engaging (at least when not drunk – and then I am often confused for annoying), but since none of this has stopped me before from shooting my mouth offDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-17579843221060326422010-12-07T19:16:00.000-05:002010-12-07T19:16:51.765-05:00The Doctor Will See You NowFew things rattle the psyche like an unsolicited call from your doctor’s office. This is especially true if you already have an appointed scheduled a few weeks hence. The kindly gentleman on the other end of the line said, “Your test results are in and the doctor would like to see you to discuss them.” GULP.
“Well,” I said as I wondered who would attend my funeral, “I have an appointment in Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-33178993830655803182010-11-28T19:07:00.001-05:002010-11-28T19:15:44.445-05:00Class DismissedIf you are one of the lucky few who purchased a Gillette M3Power Razor between May 1, 2004 and October 31, 2005, and managed to keep the receipt, you are in for a windfall. Turns out, you are entitled to be a member of a class action lawsuit.
Has the razor been shown to leap out of your hand and castrate you? No. Is it bad for women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant? No. Does itDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-11505452206002794352010-11-22T20:11:00.000-05:002010-11-22T20:11:21.766-05:00A Thanksgiving BlessingTradition holds that the first recognized Thanksgiving in what would become the United States occurred in the fall of 1621. According to pilgrimhall.org, the surviving fifty –three pilgrims and some ninety Indians gathered for three days and partook of a grand feast. Soon thereafter, Indians were slaughtered and subjugated by the thousands. RSVP to your dinner invitations wisely.
When I was in Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-18293388507433075532010-11-19T17:12:00.003-05:002010-11-19T17:14:59.328-05:00Dying Man WalkingThere is an old man I have become friendly with who talks about death all the time. He speaks of it like the weather, but more certain and assured. He neither dreads it nor worries about it. He is eighty-six and dying of lung cancer. A fact he shares often.
I speak to him at the gym. He is there every morning, walking around the track and doing breathing exercises which he says helps. In his Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-35400867228017193652010-11-14T13:23:00.000-05:002010-11-14T13:23:33.668-05:00An Exercise in ExorcismBishop Paprocki, in a New York Times story about the growing requests for exorcisms, says that signs of possession by the devil include: speaking in a language a person has never learned, extraordinary shows of strength, a sudden aversion to spiritual things, severe sleeplessness, lack of appetite, cutting, scratching and biting of the skin.
Dave Meyer, blogger-hack from Pittsburgh, was quoted Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-21694480120080447512010-11-10T20:56:00.000-05:002010-11-10T20:56:24.326-05:00Cruise Ship Adrift or Luxury Vacaton?There is a boatload of people adrift in the Pacific Ocean. An engine fire knocked the Carnival Cruise ship Splendor out of commission, ending the seven day Mexican Riviera vacation for thousands. Personally, I can think of no better sabbatical than being adrift on a luxury cruise liner in the Pacific. I have seen people spend twelve dollars an hour for a raft to float around a resort pool. You Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-74840561935837833672010-11-03T20:33:00.000-04:002010-11-03T20:33:30.433-04:00Bring Back The ED Commercials - A Brief Post-Election Wrap-UpThe headline read, “With midterms over, 2012 campaign begins.” Are you fucking kidding me? I am just starting to settle back into the erectile dysfunction commercials. Of course, it could be said that the pre-election commercials were about someone getting screwed – or being a dick.
Either way, we all woke this morning with a new batch of toys to get excited about, rip out of the packaging, Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-31534424431582825592010-10-28T20:51:00.000-04:002010-10-28T20:51:05.799-04:00Renting A Car - A Study In ComplexityOn a recent family trip to Massachusetts for a wedding, I had the real pleasure of renting a car at the airport. If there is a more complicated transaction on the planet, I am unaware of it. Two people in line at a fast food restaurant can constitute a minute or two wait, two people in line at a car rental company means you better hit the restroom, because you are going nowhere fast.
When I Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-89225062211798499172010-10-09T09:14:00.000-04:002010-10-09T09:14:13.740-04:00Campaign Ads and Barnyard Animals.In Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, Hunter Thompson’s book on the 1972 presidential election, he relates a story from the 1968 presidential campaign where Lyndon Johnson told his manager to “start a massive rumor campaign about his opponent’s lifelong habit of enjoying carnal knowledge of his own barnyard sows.” The manager protests that no one would believe that his opponent was a “pig Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-33144033995160924432010-09-28T15:44:00.000-04:002010-09-28T15:44:22.081-04:00Manchurian Stink Bug Candidate ComplexIt seemed like just yesterday when the Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge, had himself in a lather while imploring us to stock up on duct tape and plastic for an imminent terror attack. We worried, we fretted; and then we laughed. But all these years later, the premonitions are ringing true; we are under attack. Under attack by Stink Bugs. Or are we?
The latest poll shows that 97% of Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-57240712283796852032010-09-18T18:28:00.000-04:002010-09-18T18:28:52.367-04:00Flying Through the Air With the Greatest of UneaseThe absolute most frightening part of air travel is the message over the public address system at the airport that says, “If anyone asks you to carry something for them onboard an aircraft, please report this immediately to airport security.” What’s frightening isn’t that someone would try this. Hell, someone convinced the underwear bomber to strap explosives to his penis. (There has to be a Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-86608813103987989932010-09-03T19:26:00.000-04:002010-09-03T19:26:02.769-04:00Liquid Soap OperaI haven’t used an actual bar of soap in years! Where was I when this historic transition occurred from a good, solid block of fat and lye to these multi-scented, testosterone snatching liquids? I might as well hand my kids a rotary phone as a bar of soap – they would be equally puzzled.
Does anyone else miss the Irish Spring commercial where a man slices off a piece of bar soap like he is Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-72293469062928861522010-08-29T15:27:00.000-04:002010-08-29T15:27:57.441-04:00The Elephant Eyed Me As I Drank My Beer
I like any bar with a hand-written sign on the door that says, “Smoking Permitted.” To me, it is an emphatic statement that the owner of the establishment is much more concerned with someone’s inalienable right to smoke than their right to eat, since in Pennsylvania, it is perfectly fine to feed your patrons fried cheese stick wrapped chicken wings with extra trans-fat laden dipping sauce, but Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-8337616751628011992010-08-27T12:50:00.000-04:002010-08-27T12:50:27.504-04:00Male Complex with your Black Cohash?I’m not above a few supplements, but while the debate rages over whether or not marijuana should be legalized (except in California where the debate rages over whether it should be sold in ounces or grams at Wal-Mart) I think the Feds may be overlooking a very curious phenomena taking place in local grocery stores.
While picking up some Myoplex this morning I was stopped by the large display ofDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-14936786368585622132010-08-23T20:22:00.002-04:002010-08-23T20:33:35.563-04:00Wanna Bet? Leave It To Paddy Power.If you are a drug addled celebrity, there is a good chance you will end up on someone’s death pool at the office. If you are an endangered species, you may find yourself on paddypower.com at 4/5 odds of becoming the next animal to become extinct. If you know anything about betting, 4/5 makes you the heavy, heavy favorite (basically, a five dollar bet wins you four). Such is the fate of the Kemp’sDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-67471676089624161182010-08-19T19:02:00.000-04:002010-08-19T19:02:01.272-04:00Because an Ordinary Moment Can Turn Romantic“For those of you having an erection lasting longer than four hours – you’re welcome.” Stephen Colbert
If my junk mail box serves me correctly, there appears to be a huge market out there for: erectile dysfunction pills, Rolex’s, Doctorate degrees, penis elongation meds and Nigerian finance ministers with boatloads of cash to move.
I would think that in order to pursue any of these emails, Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-89263731113445208122010-08-14T15:38:00.002-04:002010-08-14T15:38:56.782-04:00Lunch With The HoroscopeAt the back of the sports page in today’s paper, to the right of the Aces On Bridge column that contains this phrase “You are in the four spades on the lead of the heart queen”, is the Horoscope. While I was finishing lunch today, I decided my Horoscope (or Horrorscope, or Whorescope) was worth a glance.
Before I tracked to Aquarius, I noticed that my wife and boys share the same astrological Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-1306495841181778892010-08-10T19:49:00.000-04:002010-08-10T19:49:18.840-04:00Free and Unsolicited Reproductive AdviceTypical conversation:
Interested Party: “So, do you have kids?”
Me: “Yeah, I have twin boys.”
IP: “Oh. Do twins run in either of your families?”
I can see that question coming like crows to road kill. I almost hesitate to provide the true answer to the question because it confuses these scholars even more. The true answer to their specific question is, “Yes, my sister has twin girls.” However, Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-20915168360414409262010-08-06T19:17:00.000-04:002010-08-06T19:17:00.935-04:00Thinking For Yourself Is Fun and Easy!“Beware of bearded men arriving in sealed trains bearing ideologies.”
I love that. Anita Thompson, Hunter Thompson’s widow, attributed that to the artist Ralph Steadman. According to her, he was referencing Stalin’s return from exile. Ralph remains an interesting artist and contributed many images for Hunter’s work as well as the label designs for Flying Dog Brewery.
Anyway, I thought of thatDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-47104045539857227782010-07-31T10:33:00.002-04:002010-07-31T10:33:55.224-04:00What I Was Missing By Not Watching The Jersey Shore“I was like, yo girl, its four o’clock, we gotta roll. We been here since midnight. That’s like five hours.” But isn’t that actually…never mind Ronnie, have some HGH.
Thank you, that’s my review of Jersey Shore. (But what fun is that!)
Here is a slightly longer recap. They (and by “they” I mean a group of over-everything twenty-somethings): get primped, go to a club, get drunk, make out with Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-83005769401186628032010-07-26T20:06:00.000-04:002010-07-26T20:06:21.546-04:00Leathery and LaceI enjoy when the eyes of my twelve year olds pop out of their heads. A little shock value when you least expect it is pleasing to the senses. Such was the case yesterday.
My family and I had just finished lunch at the Hard Rock Café in Station Square. I had a monster headache from the previous night. You know that commercial for Dos Equis beer where the actor says “I don’t often drink beer, Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-59005016876271309482010-07-22T18:13:00.000-04:002010-07-22T18:13:55.577-04:00Butter Your Way To A Better Sandwich - Channel 40 Style!One of the real benefits of having Bonnie away for work is that I get the bedroom TV all to myself. Normally, we compromise; for instance, if I want to watch Mega Ships and she wants to watch What Not To Wear, we compromise – and we watch What Not To Wear. Since I was only sharing my bed with Zeke the dog, and he was fine watching anything as long as he could sleep for the next sixteen hours, I Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-62108536626062912312010-07-18T11:51:00.000-04:002010-07-18T11:51:21.768-04:00How To Adapt To A Life Full Of AdaptorsThere is a mischievous Fairy loose in my car. He (or she) has a singular purpose; tying the headphones from my iPod into a white, tangled mess. There can be no other reasonable explanation as to how I can place my iPod in the center console of my car after the gym, only to retrieve it a day or two later to find it knotted like the halls of Congress. And I do mean knotted. Tangled? OK. But Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-19764598183870647352010-07-13T20:23:00.000-04:002010-07-13T20:23:56.348-04:00Private Parts and the Right To MarryIt’s not often I hear compliments from total strangers. In fact, I hear them about as often as the President hears, “Good news, the bill passed unanimously!” So, when I paid for my Diet Coke at the convenience store today, and the guy said, “You look great today,” I was so taken aback, I asked him to repeat himself. Suspiciously, he said, “You have a great day today.” Hmm. Maybe.
“Thanks,” I Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-20013295886923123242010-07-09T20:58:00.002-04:002010-07-09T21:19:24.369-04:00Advice On Living From The Strangest Of Places“He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master.” Hunter S. Thompson
I wouldn’t say I spent the last two Tuesday nights crying – I was engaged more in the shedding of a few tears type of drama. See, Tuesday nights is when Deadliest Catch is on. For those not in the know (and shame on you!) it chronicles the adventures of Alaska’s crab fishing fleet as they battle the Bearing Sea, iceDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-89052579149950193302010-07-05T21:07:00.000-04:002010-07-05T21:07:53.417-04:00French 101 - Or...What Happens When Someone Actually Buys Your AccentBefore we left for Quebec, we were curious as to how much English would be spoken. My wife has passable French language skills while mine consisted of the three words all men know but rarely experience - ménage à trois While we fully expected Quebec’s charm, we were a bit surprised that we were able to communicate as easily as we were. Since French is the official language of the Province, we Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-76894980799903644802010-07-01T21:23:00.000-04:002010-07-01T21:23:08.003-04:00Resonance“If I wasn’t exactly finding the joy in that scenic splendor the way I used to, I was at least ‘resonating’ again, feeling the beauty around me, and curious about what the next line on the map might look like.”
Good or bad, funny or pathetic, I always like to have my own thoughts, it helps to explain why I believe in gay rights and gun ownership, I guess. But the above line, from Neil Peart’s Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-49195400823322446962010-06-27T20:01:00.000-04:002010-06-27T20:01:07.019-04:00La Fête nationale du QuébecThe copper roofed, historic Frontenac Hotel; the roaring majesty of St. Anne’s Gorge; the cobblestone streets of Old Quebec; the kids rolling a joint from a baggie of marijuana on the Plains Of Abraham. Nothing stirs the interest of twelve year old boys like illicit drugs (maybe the trendy clothes store FUCKlamode in lower Old-Town.)
But to be fair, all of Quebec was in a celebratory mode, and Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-27209260630781252672010-06-26T20:58:00.001-04:002010-06-26T20:59:09.858-04:00I'm Back! (almost)Just got back from a great family vacation in Quebec City. Looking foward to filling in some of the details here...think: snails, independance and the fun of not speaking the language!Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-71475272473230440412010-06-13T15:57:00.000-04:002010-06-13T15:57:36.287-04:00A Sport I Will Never Play - And It Is Not SoccerThere are some sports that are so violent; no state would possibly sanction them. Cockfighting at City Hall would be more palatable to the masses. In the spirit of “some of the best sports are ones that have never been invented,” the kids have developed “Handball.” Seems innocuous enough, yes?
To stage a match, you need two hockey nets placed at either end of the yard. Since we have more nets Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-49188011720405033022010-06-11T18:29:00.002-04:002010-06-11T18:32:46.087-04:00Anniversary Issue (Nice and Short)
In my last post, I made mention that within the contact field of my Blackberry, there was the “anniversary” function, and I wondered who would possibly need this outside of their own lives. Well, sonofabitch, if my blog isn’t about one year old! Maybe this year it will learn to walk! Oddly, when I was looking through my first entries (and please, please do not do this to yourself –they are Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-23558233325582829342010-06-10T21:11:00.000-04:002010-06-10T21:11:23.411-04:00How Many Ways Can I Get In Touch With You?
I don’t have a smart phone; I have a phone that is too smart for its own good. If it’s true that there is a fine line between brilliance and insanity, my Blackberry is it. I fear that between texts, messaging, web browsing, actual old fashioned phone calls, some apps that I downloaded (Pandora, Jethro Tull Radio!), something called VZ Navigator and more folders than a doctor’s office and more Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-63759136425834640562010-06-08T19:50:00.000-04:002010-06-08T19:50:21.502-04:00Dog Urine and the BP FixThe following is a side by side comparison of two remedies for a particular scenario. A case study if you will. First, I will present the problem, and then I will present two solutions. I invite you to vote and/or comment on which one seems more practical.
SCENARIO: Our dog, Zeke, the bastard son of a mongrel bitch is fourteen and a half years old. As such, he is occasionally prone to accidentsDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-13541815854416887992010-06-04T17:10:00.002-04:002010-06-04T17:17:08.989-04:00D.A.R.E. - To be HonestI have no quarrel with a good argument. In fact, one of the few things I am sure of in this world is that there are two sides to EVERY story. However, I like to call bullshit when I see it – or in this case, read it. A few weeks ago, in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Dr. Neil Capretto, the medical director of Gateway Rehabilitation posited the opinion that legislating the use of medical marijuana Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-73279488137135275692010-06-01T20:23:00.004-04:002010-06-01T20:29:42.380-04:00Sex Ed 2010, or, What I never Learned In Catholic SchoolLast Wednesday, I came home and asked my son how his test went. He said, “I got them all correct but I had a little trouble remembering the difference between uterus and urethra.”
See, last week was the much vaunted “Reproductive Health” course at school. After gladly signing the permission slip so the boys could learn the technical terms for the things they talk about on the bus anyway, I Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-84652396532946730652010-05-23T16:06:00.002-04:002010-05-24T08:29:17.557-04:00Kick Them Out!Lenore Skenazy…might be crazy. She may, however, really be unto something. Lenore proposed that this past Saturday, parents should take their kids to the park – and leave them. Unfiltered opinion would quickly cry “ARREST THIS LOON!” If you can get past media hype and message board paranoids, she has an excellent point. Basically, she contends that kids are 1) cooped up too much in the house, andDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-36485148884955407212010-05-20T20:05:00.000-04:002010-05-20T20:05:19.793-04:00What Kind Of Pro Athlete Does This? (I name names!)Ryan Boyle, professional lacrosse player and a principal in Trilogy Lacrosse, is a menace and a threat to professional athletes everywhere. Someone in our lacrosse association had the gall to turn him loose on our children last night. In doing so he completely obliterated, in a few short hours, everything my boys have come to learn about pro athletes.
For example; he strode into practice, freshDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-74580155113830076832010-05-18T20:37:00.000-04:002010-05-18T20:37:35.008-04:00Gray ManI actually saw a gray guy today. Not dressed in gray…gray. I was cutting through Market Square which in the midst of a huge construction project that will surely amount to very little if the current track record of this city has anything to say about it. He wore a scowl…which I guess I would too.
He was such an odd shade that I wasn’t even sure of his race. Was he a black guy with an awful skin Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-35818439631506505262010-05-16T19:56:00.000-04:002010-05-16T19:56:23.993-04:00USA vs. Russia 1980, Seneca Valley vs. PYLAX 2010
Herb Brooks would have said before the boy’s lacrosse game today, “If we play PYLAX ten times they might beat us nine. But not today. “ About a month ago, in the sleet and wind we travelled to Fox Chapel Middle School, the apparent training ground for the team known as Pittsburgh Youth Lacrosse (PYLAX). PYLAX is a well coached, fast, fundamentally sound group of athletes who on that day pasted Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-28830673792053517012010-05-14T17:56:00.004-04:002010-05-14T20:31:53.883-04:00Stupid In HD - A Contest (with a prize!)At Fortune’s Coffee today, I was chatting with the owner and my buddy…we will call him Mongoose. We were talking about my silly blog when I said, “It is amazing the stupid shit that goes on around you. I’m just a historian.”
Mongoose said, “But you see some particularly stupid stuff around here.”
“Yes, you do,” I said, “its like stupid in HD.”
So, without further ado…Contest Number 3! In as few Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-18668966275976524852010-05-13T18:36:00.000-04:002010-05-13T18:36:50.775-04:00The Woman Peculier
I tried, but failed again to mind my own business last night while I was sitting at Houlihan’s nursing a beer waiting for lacrosse practice to be over. These two women of moderate looks and stature slide into the seats next to me and immediately begin perusing the glossy drink menu. They ask the bartender about their signature “skinny” drinks. How fun would it have been if he said, “We have themDave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4981791653346708264.post-64604971709718239372010-05-08T17:05:00.000-04:002010-05-08T17:05:24.760-04:00How To Be A MomDespite my efforts to the contrary, Bonnie has managed to shimmy and wedge the best of motherhood onto our two very fortunate sons. Because of her, their gruff, black and blue exteriors shield their hearts with the kindness and compassion only a mom can provide. Their gentleness of soul comes from her unfailingly kind words, not from my shortness of temper.
I know I would protect my kids, but Dave Meyerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06510988349141854380noreply@blogger.com3